


Camellias and Hyacinths

by hibouamesoeur



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AkaBoku - Freeform, Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Pining, Swearing, hanahaki!au, might upload an alternative ending, one of my first works for BokuAka please don't sue me, unless you beg for it lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibouamesoeur/pseuds/hibouamesoeur
Summary: I love you, Bokuto-san. Much more than pink camellias and carnations can ever tell.- Akaashi Keiji.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 16





	Camellias and Hyacinths

**Author's Note:**

> Okay well this is something i wrote after seeing a fanart of someone suffering from Hanahaki and I thought; "Hey, I want that to apply to my favorite ship as of now. BokuAka it is, then." I was also suffering from a syndrome called "I-really-feel-angsty-due-to-a-certain-fanfic-ehem-thejacketyouneverreturned- and-now-I-also-wanna-inflict-angst-to-my-OTP." lAnd yeah, I kinda wrote this during 3 AM so forgive my pathetic writing I really tried to portray both Akaashi's and Bokuto's characters as best as I could. Hope ya'll like it.
> 
> Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.
> 
> Explanation for flowers:  
> Camellias: love, affection, and admiration  
> Carnations: Longing and yearning  
> Roses: love (duh)  
> Yellow Hyacinths: Jealousy  
> Ivy: Pain and sorrow
> 
> If I got some wrong, ya’ll can punch me.

_Camellias, huh?_

Akaashi stared at his hand where the petals rest, then discarding them into the comfort room’s trash bin before exiting. He walks towards the gym’s volleyball court where he finds Bokuto-san waiting for him. “There you are! Geez, you sure took your time in there, I thought you fainted or something,” the owl-haired man babbled. “Ah, sorry ‘bout that, Bokuto-san. I was feeling a bit off.”

Bokuto became worried for his kouhai. “Are you okay? Do you need to take the day off?” He asked, but Keiji only shook his head, “No, I feel better now.” The concerned look on Koutarou faded away, a smile instantly forming on his face. “Oh, okay! C’mon, Akaashi! I wanna practice my spiking!” Akaashi could only sigh as Bokuto strides away to begin an hour of constantly smashing volleyballs to the other side of the court.

—

Hanahaki.

It was a name all too familiar to the 17 year-old. He never believed in the disease, thinking it to be nothing more than a mere myth, until their teammate Konoha contracted it. Fell in love with someone out of his league. At first, it wasn’t too obvious, just him acting all normal, yet made a ton of weird trips to the bathroom. It was during one practice match against Nekoma where it was revealed that he was struck down with the disease, coughing in the middle of timeout, bloody petals of camellias, red roses, and yellow hyacinths decorated his palm. Eventually, he had undergone surgery and got rid of the flower petals along with his feelings for whoever he was in love to be rid of the disease.

Akaashi Keiji told himself that he’d never get Hanahaki disease in his entire lifetime, yet fate decided to play a cruel joke on him. Falling in love with the team captain ever since the moment he saw him the first time in the volleyball gym was already a scary thing (to him at least), he swore that he’d take his secret with him to the grave because he didn’t want to ruin his friendship between him and his captain that he had come to adore.

At the beginning, he didn’t notice it, the way his heart would skip a beat whenever Koutarou would smile after spiking a ball that he had set up for him, that warm feeling whenever Bokuto would shower him with praise. It was only until an uneasy feeling began to form in his lungs, like he couldn’t breathe. Once he had coughed, only to reveal petals of red roses have emerged from him.

He _**swore**_ that he would hide his feelings and the flowers; he didn’t want to break the friendship between him and his captain, and he was already satisfied having him by his side. Losing him was far more worse than coughing up those damned flower petals. For almost a year, he has been hiding the fact that he has contracted Hanahaki disease, bearing with the pain, and he hid it well.

Until one day, the pain became **_unbearable_**.

—

Just like any other day, it was 4 P.M. the Fukurodani Men’s Volleyball team was doing rallies, practicing for the upcoming Spring High Tokyo Representative Playoffs. Today, however, was a tad bit different. They had an audience of 2nd-year female students from the academy, one of them he knew as his classmate. Akari-chan was it? By all means, they weren’t annoying or anything, only watching from the sidelines. Akaashi had a nagging feeling behind the back of his mind. _**Something**_ he couldn’t put his finger on right away even if it was waving right in front of his face like Bokuto’s hand-

Wait, Bokuto’s hand?

“-kaashi! Hey, you okay buddy? You looked so lost in thought just now.” It was Bokuto’s words that made him snap out of his reverie. “Sorry, Bokuto-san. It was nothing.” The setter immediately regained his focus. Yamato from the other side began to serve the ball to their side of the court, Komi receiving it and delivering it straight to Akaashi who only took a split second to decide to toss to his ace who was getting antsy, waiting for the precious ball to come to his direction, screaming “Hey hey hey!” at the satisfaction of jumping high and spiking the ball to the other side of the court.

Akaashi could feel his heart skip a beat. It was always mesmerizing to the young setter: the captain leaping into the air with such a beautiful form, his golden owl-like eyes glistening as the lights from above reflected onto them and his beaming smile as wide as ever before delivering impact onto the ball that was tossed into the air just for him, the satisfaction of hearing the sound bounce off the other side of the net hitting directly onto the concrete and Bokuto yelling out his favorite phrase…

_It was as if Akaashi could see wings on Bokuto._

_“_ Nice one-“

_“Nice spike, Bokuto-senpai!”_

_**Thump**._

Bokuto only gave back a smile to Akari before turning to Akaashi. “Thanks for that last toss, Akaashi. That felt really good- hey, are you okay?” He cut himself when he saw the setter just standing there, staring at the floor. Akashi gazed at Bokuto, and Bokuto swore he saw something flash in his eyes but the 2nd year still had his cool expression on his face. “It’s nothing, Bokuto-san. I’m fine,” he simply stated like it was a matter of fact before walking away towards the benches.

Why did his heart throb like that when he heard Akari’s voice? It wasn’t like earlier how his heart would beat for when Bokuto delivered that clean hit, it wasn’t like when Bokuto would give him praises and thank him for handing him a toss that felt so good to spike just like earlier, it wasn’t like watching Bokuto’s eyes light up under the rays of the setting sun whenever they would walk home together.

It was something that didn’t feel pleasant at all. It felt…

_**Spiteful**._

_—_

Their coach dismissed them for the day, telling them to get home safely and rest up for Saturday’s practice match against Nekoma, and the setter’s lungs felt heavy once again. Akaashi went to the restroom while everyone else proceeded to the locker rooms to change. Making sure to carefully lock the door, he bent over the sink and began to cough, and sure enough, petals began to erupt, even more than the previous times. This time, there were three varieties: the usual camellia, red roses, and a new type of flower: _**yellow** **hyacinths**._ The fact that yellow hyacinths came out of him was already unsettling, but one other thing bothered Akaashi.

_They were covered in blood._

It was getting bad, huh?

Clenching the petals in his fist, he threw them away into the trash bin before washing the blood off his hands. Keiji returned to the locker room to find it half-empty, with most of the third years still around, but no sight of the ace. “Oh Akaashi. I thought you had already left,” Konoha said. “I just went to the restroom. Has anyone seen Bokuto-san?” He asked. “I saw him leave early. He said he had something to do,” Washio shrugged. The same nagging feeling Akaashi had returned, but this time, it was _**stronger**_.

_Something is bothering him yet he doesn’t know what is the root of it._

Grabbing his bag after changing into a set of fresh clothes, he walked out of the gym. He and Koutarou walked home together after practice, yet there will be times where one of them would leave early due to some sort of reason, yet why is there something bugging Keiji about Bokuto-san leaving him behind today?

Just as he was about to turn to leave the gym, he could hear voices from where he was standing. They sound like they were coming from the side of the building. It wasn’t far, so he could hear the faint sounds of talking. Around two to three people perhaps. It wasn’t his business to butt in and eavesdrop conversations he wasn’t interested in so he prepared to leave until he heard:

“Uhm, I have something to tell you, Bokuto-senpai.”

_**Thump**._

Akaashi’s heart sank to his stomach and he froze in his spot.

_Now he know where that nagging feeling came from._

“What is it, Akari-san?”

By now, his heart was throbbing like the way it was earlier, only faster and more painful. A heavy feeling grew in his chest, like he was about to cough up a new batch of petals right then and there. He managed to hold it in, but how long could he do so? How long was he going to listen in to this conversation? He wants to move his feet but they were firmly stuck to the ground. It was as if some unseen force was pinning him to that spot, forcing him to listen to them.

**“I like you, Bokuto-senpai! Please go out with me!”**

_**Thump**._

The final nail into the coffin.

If his heart could drop any lower, it would have already fallen to the ground. He knew it was coming yet it still felt so painful. He clutched his chest as it grew heavier by the minute, clasping his mouth as he shook his head. _**No no no, don’t come out of me, you damned flowers**._ Chattering voices began to grow behind him, and then he heard Sarukui call out to him, “Hey Akaashi, what are you doing standing over there-“ before bolting out the gym, heading towards the gate, and going home, tears filling his eyes faster than one could imagine. He couldn’t bear to hear his response to Akari’s confession. Not in a million years. 

—

1 week.

It has been one week since they last saw Akaashi. He didn’t attend the practice match, so Fukurodani had their asses handed to them by Nekoma. The playoffs are only a few months away, and they need their setter back, especially Bokuto. The team’s ace was missing his precious kouhai, he missed his monotonic gaze, the way he would pick him up from his dejected mode, the compliments and criticism he would receive, simply put, he missed Akaashi. He visited him one day to check up on him, only to be greeted at door not by Keiji, but by his mother. She said that Akaashi wasn’t feeling well, always coughing, and even though he would be taking his medicine, he looked like he was getting worse. Bokuto begged to see him, but she only said, “I’m sorry, but his sickness might be contagious. Don’t worry, you’ll see him soon at school.”

It was Friday, Bokuto was in his dejected mode the entire duration of practice for one entire week, and his teammates tried to pick him up on his feet, but no matter what they attempted always failed. Turns out it was only the 2nd year setter who could be able to alleviate the miserable ace from his slumps, but that setter was nowhere to be found.“Damn, I really wish Akaashi would get well soon.” Yamato expressed his worries. The others agreed as they look at their captain slouching in one of the benches. There was absolutely no way of getting Bokuto out of being depressed. 

“Hey Bokuto, you visited Akaashi once right?” Konoha asked the captain. He only nodded slowly as a response. “Gee, I wonder what he contracted that he’s got it this bad,” Wataru wondered, then they notice that he was clutching something in his hands. “What’s in your hands, Bokuto?” Washio asked. Bokuto opened up his hands to reveal to them…

**_The decayed flowers Akaashi threw away last week._ **

“Wilted flowers? Why are you carrying those around?”

“Last week, after I rejected Akari, I went to use the comfort room. When I threw away the tissue paper I used, I saw different petals inside the trash can, not to mention they had blood on them, and I couldn’t help but wonder that these are connected to Akaashi being sick.”

“Oh yeah, Akaashi did go to the restroom last week…“ Washio’s words trailed off.

The tension grew thick in the gymnasium. The elephant was in the room. Konoha spoke up, voice trembling. “What did the petals look like before they were wilted?”

“The same ones you coughed up before-”

_It clicked._

The petals.

“ _You okay, Akaashi?”_

Blood.

_“I’m fine, Bokuto-san.”_

Akaashi.

_“Don’t worry, you’ll see him soon at school.”_

**Sick.**

Suddenly, Bokuto’s phone sounded off a notification. Opening it, he saw one:

_You have one message from: AkaaAaaAshi ξ(｡◕ˇ◊ˇ◕｡)ξ_

“Akaashi just messaged me!” Everyone instantly crowded behind Bokuto. Frantically, he opened his phone, unlocking the passcode he had set to read the message Akaashi had sent him:

“ _Bokuto-san,_

_I'm sorry for not being able to be around during practice. I hope you didn’t give the other senpais and the kouhais too much trouble by going into your dejected mode, though you probably did exactly just that for the past week while I was not around to keep you in check._

_I know everyone is wondering what has happened to me, and here’s my explanation._ ”

By now, everyone already knew what Akaashi was going to say:

“ ** _I contracted Hanahaki disease._**

_I tried so hard to hide it from you, yet I reached my breaking point. That day Akari confessed to you, my lungs have never felt so heavier. When I arrived home, I began coughing up more and more yellow hyacinth petals, more than camellias and roses, so much that eventually, I ended up coughing up entire flowers, flowers that were painted in crimson with my blood.”_

Tears were welling up in the owl-haired man’s eyes, and their teammates were worried as he scrolled through his phone to continue reading the message:

_“The pink carnations and red roses were still there, yet those damn hyacinths continue to erupt from within me. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I knew that if I didn’t do something and show up soon, I’ll be dragging the team behind. I had to do something. So I decided…_

_Today, I am taking surgery to get the flowers removed._

_Please tell the others not to worry about me, just tell them that I told you that I’m getting better and will be at school on Monday._ ”

“Idiot, why would you lie to us about your condition? We were worried, you dummy.” Komi sniffed.

“ _I’m so sorry for the inconvenience that I have caused._

_I know you’re also wondering who I am pining for, the man who I desire to love me back, the reason why I cough up camellias and hyacinths. Well…”_

Everyone let out a silent gasp as they read the next sentence:

**_“It was you, Bokuto-san.”_ **

Tears began to well in Koutaro’s eyes. The truth was finally out. Keiji has Hanahaki disease, and the man he was in love with was his own captain.

_“Please don’t blame yourself. I was the coward who only looked from afar, afraid to make a move because I cherish our friendship, Bokuto-san. I miss your smiles, your laughter, your “Good job, Akaashi” and “Nice toss”, I miss the ways your eyes light up whenever you spike a ball that I have set for you._

_I didn’t want to lose you, so I kept everything to myself, until I couldn’t bare it. The day Akari confessed to you, I felt like I was ripped apart into two. Did you accept her feelings? If you did, then I’m proud for you, Bokuto-san. You did say you wanted to get into a relationship before graduating, I guess you got your wish come true._

_Don’t worry, after this, everything will be back to normal, and I’ll give you your favorite tosses once again._

_I’m now currently in the hospital, waiting for the doctor to call me in for the operation to begin. Before these flowers inside me will be removed, I’m not expecting you to return my feelings, but allow me to say this…_

_I love you, Bokuto-san. Much more than pink camellias and carnations can ever tell.”_

Everyone went silent while Bokuto broke down into sobs, dropping his phones to cover his mouth with his one hand, clutching his aching heart with the other.

—

“Akaashi Keiji?” A soft voice called out his name. “Yes, that’s me.” Akaashi stood up from his chair and faced the doctor standing in front of the operating room door. “The surgery will begin. Are you sure you want to do this? We can give you more time to think-“

“That won’t be necessary, Doctor Sugawara,”he stated firmly. _He made this decision, and he was not going to run away from it._

The doctor could only gaze at him with a sad look, “I see. I too made a choice like yours once. I respect yours then, but I only hope you won’t regret it afterwards.”

Akaashi could only nod before he replied with, “I hope so too.”

Doctor Sugawara smiled sadly at him before he opened the door to the operating room and went inside, Akaashi following him from behind.

—

12 Midnight.

_Knock knock knock._

The door opened to reveal a Bokuto Koutaro, Even though it was the middle of the night, Akaashi could clearly make out the features of his captain: cheeks drenched in tears, the owl hair that he was so proud of was down, and nothing but pain was painted onto every crevice of his face.

“Bokuto-san? Why are you here? It’s late, and you need sleep-“

“Cut the crap, Akaashi!” Bokuto cut off Akaashi. He was stunned by his words, his outburst, gripping onto the doorframe for support. Tears began to pool in Bokuto’s eyes once more; he had been crying ever since he read Akaashi’s message just a few hours ago. Akaashi wanted to cry as well, but he had to keep his composure still. “Bokuto-san please go home, you need to rest-“

“How could you be so selfish? You kept everything to yourself, you’ve suffered by yourself, and yet you didn’t tell me? I’m your captain, Keiji, I’m supposed to be here there for you, I’m supposed to help you, but how could I help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong? Why did you lie to me? Why did you lie to us?! What the fuck, Akaashi?!”

“See that’s the thing, Koutarou! I didn’t want to burden you! I couldn’t bear to shove my feelings onto you and force you to like me just so you can cure my disease. For almost a year, ever since the day I saw you at the gym, I held it in, I held in my feelings for and kept on coughing up those flowers because I was scared and I didn’t want to burden you and I didn’t want to ruin the friendship that we had! I didn’t want to lose you!”

“Well what about my feelings then?!”

—

_One week ago from Bokuto’s perspective_

“I’m sorry Akari, but I can’t accept your feelings,” Bokuto responded to Akari confession after the practice game. The girl had asked the captain to meet her at the side of the gym where no one would be around. She looked down to her feet,“Oh, I see. It’s fine Bokuto-san. We can still be friends if you want. However, may I ask, is it someone else?” Akari asked, disappointment evident in her voice yet still managing to keep a pained smile on her face. The captain nodded with a smile of his own plastered onto his face.

“Yeah. This person is so calm, he never raised his voice at me, he’s got a lot of patience, his deep and mysterious eyes, his rare and breathtaking smiles are such a sight to see. Everything about him is just so… **_amazing_**. I’m sorry Akari-san, and sure, I’d love to be friends with you,” Bokuto smiled at her with pity. He rejected her because he liked someone else, not knowing that that someone also had feelings for him.

“I thought so. Actually, I had my doubts, but the way you spoke about him, it made things as clear as day…

_**It’s Akaashi, isn’t it?”**_ She asked once more.

Bokuto simply nodded, the smile never leaving his face.

—

Akaashi’s eyes betrayed him as he was now bursting into tears, still holding onto the doorframe for dear life, Bokuto clutching his own chest, heaving heavily. “Every single word from your message pained me. Every. Single. Fucking. Word. You said you didn’t want to burden us, but you made us worry for a fucking week! We heard nothing from you, you could have texted us, updated us on how you were doing, but a while ago, all we got was a message telling us that you were going to get surgery and that I was the reason behind your pain, that I was the reason you were coughing up bloody petals for a year! How did you think that made me feel?!”

Keiji was rendered speechless. He never meant for things to be this way, he never _wanted_ things to be this way. Bokuto paused for a moment to wipe away the tears trickling down his cheeks like waterfalls, then grabbing Akaashi by his collar, “You open your ears and listen well, Akaashi Keiji, because I’ll say it as many times as possible until you’ll believe me…

_I love you too, idiot.”_

His words struck him like how those flowers that now no longer reside in his lungs once had. It was a pain that was pleasant, and it lingered, but the setter didn't believe a word he said. “N-no… that’s not true..” The stunned Akaashi shook his head, “You’re lying! You’re only saying that because you pity me!” He screamed. It felt unreal to him. Was fate playing another sick prank at him? Another cruel joke? If so, then he has had enough. He’d had enough of the pain, had enough of the suffering, had enough of the pink camellias and yellow hyacinths that he kept spewing out of his mouth.

“When will you get it through your thick skull?! I’m not lying, Keiji, it’s the truth! I fucking love you to death!”

“Shut up, shut up, **shut up!** ” he covered his ears with his hands, “Shut up, Koutarou! You’re lying! You don’t love me! You love Akari! You-“

Koutarou silenced Akaashi’s wailing with his lips as more tears continue falling from both of their eyes. He could feel the older man’s tears stain his own cheeks. He didn’t push him away, instead wrapping his arms around Bokuto’s neck, bringing their bodies closer and deepening the kiss between them.

_I only hope you won’t regret it afterwards._

Doctor Sugawara’s words rang in his ears. He had regretted his actions all along. Akaashi wished he could turn back time, he wishes he didn’t undergo surgery a few hours ago, he wishes he didn’t send the message, he wishes he had confessed his feelings all along instead of cowering in fear like the coward he is.

But it’s too late for regrets now.

As Akaashi broke further into sobs, Bokuto pulled away from the younger one, wiping away his tears with his right thumb, pressing their foreheads together. Hushed in a quiet tone, he confessed, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was much more of a coward than you were. Truth is, I have loved you for a long time now.” Akaashi shook his head, “No, no you’re not…” still shaking them.

Bokuto gently grabbed his face, “Ever since the day you entered the gym and asked if you could join the team, I fell hard, Akaashi, like everyday of my life became brighter ever since I saw you. I loved everything about you, I adored the way you would instantly call me out whenever I screw up, the way you would rarely smile whenever I did something unprecedentedly stupid that you found funny, the way you would call me ‘Bokuto-san’,” he held his cheek in his hand, “I told you, **I love you Akaashi.** I would never lie to you-”

**_Thump._ **

Koutarou clutched his chest as it was swelling up with immense pain before he collapsed to the ground, his hand still grabbing his chest. Bokuto covered his mouth with the other and coughed into it furiously. “Bokuto-san!” The worried Akaashi instantly knelt down to his level, rubbing Bokuto’s back to help alleviate the pain. Bokuto had now stopped his coughing, but he was still gasping in pain. “Bokuto! Are you alright?! Hey, speak to me-“

His eyes grew wide. In Bokuto’s hands were...

_**Ivy and Camellia flowers decorated in crimson blood.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I’m ending the story here because I want you to fill in the rest. The ending is all up to your imagination! I might post an alternate ending because I’m BokuAka trash and I want them to have a happy ending but I’ve been feeling angsty lately so angst is what’s on the menu for now folks! See you in the alternative ending!


End file.
